EXT. SAN FRANCISCO MARINA — AFTERNOON
Magnificent yachts, one after another, glisten in the sparkling sun…. down a wooden pier, each ship gets smaller and smaller… at the end, a dinky, ragged sailboat that Cuban refugees would refuse. A rusted bike lays on the deck.
INT. SAILBOAT
100 square feet of squalor. Cramped, messy. A disaster zone. Stench of musty drapes and seaweed strangles the air. Books from a variety of subjects litter the floor. A fraternity paddle and photos of cheery, drunk college kids- spanning 8 years, mind you- hang on the walls.
A lump in the tiny bed rises. This is CHARLES ‘CHAS’ CHANDLER (27), a good-hearted slacker trying to find his way in life. Straggles to his feet. Sports a frayed Saucy State #1 Party School shirt. Scuffles a few feet to the ‘kitchen.’
Snags a box of knockoff Fruit Loops. Grabs a pint of milk from the dorm room fridge. Sees an empty bowl on the floor…
… Instead of his cereal, pours the milk into the bowl and whistles. His cat (Saucy) sashays over and laps it up.
Chas plops down at the teeny, wobbly table. Turns on his ratty laptop as he munches cereal right out of the box.
Chas clicks on an online fantasy game. Has to choose an avatar. Scrolls through the options- warrior, teacher, healer, etc. Like in his real life, it’s a tough decision…
Picks healer as his phone rings. Eyes his cell: ‘208’ number. Gulps. Fear surges through him. Declines the call, then shuts off his phone. Back to the game. Back to fantasy.
INT. COLLECTION AGENCY, HOMEDALE, IDAHO — CONTINUOUS
Dozen, shoddy gray cubicles. Scraggly collectors of all ages and races work the phones, stuck in telemarketing hell. These scoundrels reek of booze, body odor and broken homes. A whiteboard shows monthly commissions: HOLMES is last with $0.
Perched at his cubicle, KEITH HOLMES (late 40s) sports a mullet, mustache and Metallica shirt, forever stuck in 1989. On his desk: a U.S. flag, Marine coffee mug and photo of his mom. On his monitor: Chandler, Charles. ‘No photo available.’ Address in Sausalito, CA. The amount he owes: $561,869. Beep.
KEITH (into phone): What, think you just keep hidin’ from me? Huh? Swear to Christ, I will HUNT your pussy ass down…
50 feet away, the manager hears this and sighs, not again.
KEITH (into phone):… And, oh, yeah, full disclosure: did 8 years for aggravated assault, Bashed this fucker’s head so bad, dumb shit got brain damage. Now he’s a vegetable, thank you very much. And not even the smart kind. More like a…
The manager, PATRICK (50s, lanky, hippie) hovers over him.
KEITH:… Lima bean.
Hangs up, grumbling.
MANAGER’S OFFICE.
In stark contrast to the boiler room operation, it’s full of candles, incense, a Buddha statue and Bonzai trees- a mystic vibe. Arms crossed, Keith sits across from Patrick.
PATRICK: How many times we been over this?
KEITH: I dunno. How many times I told ya we gotta go alpha dog on their ass? All they understand is force- like terrorists. Why you think waterboarding works so good?
PATRICK:… Well, actually…
KEITH: Shit. Obama be runnin’ around today we didn’t fake drown his ass.
PATRICK: That’s… wrong in so many… it’s not the way we do business here. We talked about this, Keith.
KEITH: Fucker’s got money, too. Know he lives in a 5 million dollar house?
PATRICK: Sorry, but… this is it, I’ve had it. I’m gonna hafta let you go.
KEITH: Yeah, right. Pretty sure that’s the incense talking.
PATRICK: Gave you a chance after, ya know…
KEITH: Thanks. Thanks for the opportunity of a commission-only job.
PATRICK: Not everyone hires ex-cons.
KEITH: Awright, fine. Fuck it, you win. I’ll play by your stupid rules.
PATRICK: I’m afraid it’s too late for that. Frankly, you’ve become a liability.
KEITH: Frankly, you become an asshole…
how much cash I brought into this fucking place? Huh?
PATRICK: Zero, last couple months.
KEITH: Ah, that’s… you know I ain’t been right since my moms passed. (beat) Oh, and guess what? Goddamn IRS says she owes a shit ton a’ back taxes. Might lose the house.
PATRICK: Tsk, sorry to hear that. Wish there was something I could do.
KEITH: Yeah. Gimme my fucking job back.
Hating confrontation, Patrick reaches down and picks up a large, wrapped fruit basket. Sets it on the desk, proud of himself for solving the problem. Keith gawks at it.
KEITH: Fuck’s that?
PATRICK: Gift. From corporate. It’s supposed to go to the top man, but…
KEITH (snickers): Gotta be… that’s my parting gift?
PATRICK: It’s a very nice assortment.
Keith springs to his feet, enraged.
KEITH: Know what, Patrick? Fuck you and the Hyundai you came in on.
Knocks over a stick of burning incense.
KEITH: Smells like Tibet in here.
PATRICK: Don’t make me call security.
KEITH: Call ‘em! Fuck do I care? Hell, I’d love a police escort, go out in style. Let’s OJ this bitch.
Snatches the fruit basket off the desk.
KEITH: Fuck it, I am taking this thing. Sell this shit on the street like a fucking Mexican… thank you, Patrick. You made me an illegal alien. Vaya cum dios, motherfucker.
Flips off Patrick as he stomps out of the room…
Cleans out his desk: half a baloney sandwich, bag of Funyons and a flask. Whips open his flip phone like a switchblade and snaps a photo of the computer screen: Chas’ info is on it.

