As the second debate of this (insert pejorative adjective of choice) election season approaches- and perhaps the most important since Kennedy/Nixon, at least for Trump- I pondered which presidential pulpit battles would be the most entertaining. First on the list, JFK versus Trump, set somewhere in the year 1960:

• Classic youth (and vigor) vs. age (‘I feel younger than him, believe me. Ask him about his back’) battle.
• Both have star power, with bronzed complexions and full heads of hair (whether attained naturally or not). Unlike Nixon, Trump knows how to perform on TV.
• New England vs. New York. Hyannis Port vs. Trump Tower. Accent vs. accent.
• Both have rich fathers who paved the way for their success (and older brothers who died young). Trump goes after Joe, Sr. for his alleged bootlegging- and his son’s ties to Sinatra and the mob. A 1960 version of Chris Christie leads a ‘Lock him up!’ chant at the convention to riotous applause. The Giuliani doppelganger, naturally, is insane.
• Both have an affinity for beautiful women. Heck, both married one (and, in Trump’s case, three). Trump makes a play for Jackie, bragging that ‘I could get her.’ Melania is undoubtedly charmed by Kennedy. This mutual libidinousness, much like the arms race between the US and the Soviet Union at the time, makes either leery of striking first with accusatory statements.
• Despite JFK running to the right of Nixon on foreign policy, Trump claims that Kennedy is soft on communism- and that he has a secret plan to wipe it out. In fact, he boasts about building a wall around South Florida to keep out the Cubans. And when the Bay of Pigs is invoked, Trump is confused, thinking it’s the residence of Rosie O’Donnell.
• Egged on by his fervent supporters in the Klan, Trump attacks JFK’s Catholicism. ‘People say he’s close to the Pope- very close. I love Italians- how good is pizza?- but do we want ’em running this country? I mean, how can we trust a guy in a funny hat?’ (as he adjusts his red, Chinese issue ‘Make America Great America’ cap)
• Trump bashes Kennedy’s campaign slogan, New Frontier. ‘When I think of a frontier, I think of Indians. Didn’t we kill all them drunk losers?’
• Trump makes fun of Rosemary Kennedy, John’s sister, for having a lobotomy- mostly with incredibly rude physical gestures.
• Trump takes advantage of the times and lies incessantly (yes, more than now). After all, there wasn’t much fact checking back then. He might just take the advice of Kennedy’s VP and accuse his opponent of fornicating with farm animals.
• The debate concludes with JFK’s closing statement: ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.’ (turns to Trump) ‘You can start by paying your taxes.’ Mic drop.