EXT. PALATIAL ESTATE, RURAL NORTH CAROLINA — NIGHT
Like the opening of Citizen Kane (we’re in black and white,
folks) an imposing, wrought iron fence protects a massive
property. Posted on the gate, a menacing sign: NO TRESPASSING
Behind the fence, a colossal palace surrounded by endless
fields of tobacco plants. Over this, a 1940’s-style narrator:
NARRATOR V.O.: … Legendary tobacco king Duke Bentson in the battle of his life, fighting the scourge of cancer…
INT. BEDROOM, PALATIAL ESTATE
DUKE BENTSON (70), white-haired and deathly ill, lies in bed,
clenching a snow globe with a miniature White House inside.
NARRATOR V.O.: … He amassed his fortune for one reason and one reason only: for his son to become President…
Duke shakes the globe. Instead of snow, dollar bills fall.
NARRATOR V.O.: … His firstborn, John Junior, was certain to carry out that destiny- Harvard grad, military officer…
The globe slips from his hand as he utters one word: ‘power’
NARRATOR V.O.: … But he was killed in that terrible war in Grenada. So the obligation fell upon his second son, Jack, who nearly fulfilled…
The globe SHATTERS on the floor. Dozens of tiny $1,000,000 bills lay atop the smashed White House, blanketing it.
NARRATOR V.O.: … His father’s wish, losing his bid for the White House three years ago in a hotly contested primary. He now serves as Vice President, one step away from the Oval Office.
Duke gasps- his final one?- then his eyes close.
EXT. COURTYARD (‘THE LAWN’), UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA — DAY
JACK BENTSON (40’s), handsome and folksy (think Will Ferrell)
gives a speech to the graduates. He’s confident, commanding.
JACK: … There’s an old saying in Virginia- I know it’s in Carolina, it’s probably in Virginia- that says early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and…
Flustered, he glances around, looking for his trusted adviser… he’s nowhere to be found. Awkward silence.
JACK: … Mize.
(nailed it)
Makes you Johnny Mize. And in the end, isn’t that what we all want?
The students gawk at one another, befuddled.
INT. FRATERNITY HOUSE, UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA — NIGHT
Jack plays an intense game of flip cup with coeds. It’s an
even match & he’s anchorman. He claps, cheering on his team.
JACK: We got this, guys! Let’s focus.
The gorgeous, busty blonde next to him flips her Solo cup.
Jack chugs his beer & plinks the cup over on his first shot.
JACK: YES!!!
He celebrates with his teammates. Swept up in the frenzy,
Jack goes to chest bump the blonde- she whips back, whoa!
JACK: Sorry.
One of the drunk partygoers captures it on video.
INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL — DAY
Jack reads a children’s book to a class of first graders. A
SECRET SERVICE AGENT (30’s, black) whispers into Jack’s ear.
His face quickly sours- some horrific tragedy just occurred.
JACK: Can I finish this real quick? Dying to see how it turns out.
The agent stares him down. Fucking serious right now?
EXT. AIRPORT RUNWAY — DAY
Jack steps onto the ramp of Air Force Two.
REPORTER: … After all your recent blunders, are you concerned the President might replace you?
Jack snorts. To the secret service agent at his side:
JACK: That guy’s a total douche- bag, nozzle, and the box it came in.
SECRET SERVICE AGENT: Uh, we’re still live.
JACK: Let’s edit that out.
And strides onto the plane.
BOBBY V.O.: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
David Agnew Penn 