OPENING THOUGHTS
Being from Philadelphia, a metropolitian area, I was already locked into the script from page 1 and what follows is the perfect blending of authenticity, taking the nuances and details that only an individual who knows the area would be able to get in there without feeling forced as well as creating an original and interesting story that feels accessible enough to non-east coasters who don’t understand the subtle quirks of Philly folks but also you do so much with this that it feels similar to the HBO series, Mare of Easttown, where it’s such a pitch-perfect representation of the area that people will really feel like they’re spending time in the east coast and in terms of successfully building a world, you only needed page 1 to successfully do this.
CHARACTERS
Kate Thompson – I love that you already have Kaitlin Olsen in mind here because that’s who I could only see playing this role to be honest. It feels like if you took Dee Reynolds character and amplified her to the utmost worst while also giving her an even greater sense of power and when she meets Shiela Reddick, it feels like the perfect pairing for a Dee Reynolds archetype. Sheila Reddick – If you wanted to really nail down a great 1-2 punch in the buddy cop genre, this is exactly the perfect 1B to your 1A in Kate. Perfectly embodies the culture and attitude.
PLOT
Starting off this story is a vividly depicted Eagles versus Vikings championship game a few years ago and this is the perfect hook not only for all the Philadelphia citizens who love seeing their hometown teams and city accurately depicted on screen but so many films of this nature have released and there is only a handful that I can think of, most recently 2015’s Focus with Margot Robbie and Will Smith and even there, the scene in question is a fictional depiction of a Super Bowl. When the story gets into the meat and these two have to begin working together, I was having the time of my life because of the buddy comedy antics, and these two seemingly different individuals have to try and work together. It’s pretty standard but the reason this genre has been around so long is the ability to morph into whatever is needed in order to best serve the characters and story, which this does extremely well. It’s really hard to deliver something meant to be comedic and keeping your tension and stakes feeling strong as well as you using themes of racism and overlooking preconceived judgments as well as the story feeling very timely and important without you feeling the need to jam it down our throats like it seems films like this will try and do. You’re extremely subtle in how to get your point across and just allow the story to develop and reinforce what you wanna say as opposed to preaching it. I really enjoyed how this story played out and well, just how funny the thing is.
STRUCTURE
This is a really tight-moving script that never feels rushed nor do I think there was anything missing. The story builds really well, pretty much injecting us right away into the story and I think your opening scene does a perfect job in not only setting up the overall narrative but both your characters are developed more in the first 10 pages than a lot of scripts or films do in their entire runtimes. The biggest thing you succeed at in your structure is your tonal consistency. This is a comedy through and through but you never break to have a joke land or use humor as a means to pull away from the stakes you’re presenting but the situation is enough to deliver on the comedic elements while landing on the dramatic side too and I think this is really evident in how well your ending works from a storytelling standpoint as well as a character one. Really fantastic work in terms of script structure.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue you write here is where most of the comedy comes from because these characters are in dangerous situations and because the people of the story are all based in Philadelphia and east coasters, just from my own experience, I think you nailed down the cynical and dry outlook especially when the bullets were flying. Kate and Sheila’s relationship is easily the best part in a series of incredibly fantastic things to say are the best but I feel like whenever those two were bantering at each other, I was locked in even more than the plot. I also think you really portray a spiteful relationship growing into something more meaningful and friendly through the dialogue.
CONCEPT
I love this concept from an objective scriptwriting standpoint because the heist film is such a fun concept that when the right writer executes on it, they’re always entertaining and fun but what really sends this one above is how much you really make this thing feel fresh because you’ve done so much work in making this feel unabashedly Philadelphia and that’s a unique hook because there aren’t too many heist movies with this concept narratively but also just literally setting it in Philadelphia gives it so much more of unique spin. I might be bias in my Philadelphia appraisal but honestly, if you want your story to stand out, setting your movie in a location where the place almost acts as another character is the way to do it
FINAL THOUGHTS
This is a terrific buddy comedy where the buddies aren’t actually buddies and even on two opposite ends of them until the very end ala any Shane Black screenplay. However, it’s your location and writing style that take this from fun servicable heist film to a really entertaining and sneakily as well as thematically rich screenplay that makes those from Philly feel like they’re home and those who’ve never been feel like they belong. Great work!
David Agnew Penn 